My Wish for You
by JoBethMegAmy. my homegirls
Summary: tumblr prompt oneshot: Jane shows up at Maura's place late at night to finally tell her how she feels, but panics and chickens out when Maura opens the door. Maura sees her looking all anxious and thinks she came over because she had a nightmare, and pulls her inside to comfort her. Jane decides to just go with it. (Until she doesn't.)


**A/N**: Hey, all! Just back for this **one****shot **inspired by a prompt from thepriceisrizzoli on tumblr.

* * *

Maura was getting ready to call it a night. She'd almost fallen asleep in the living room trying to catch up on _Jessica Jones_, and she made it a rule never to end the evening with screentime. She was trying to decide if she was more in the mood for a book or a medical journal when she heard a soft knock at the front door.

Or was that it? It'd been so faint, maybe it was a branch hitting the house. No. There it was again—hesitant, but without question a knock. She glanced around the room, as though there might be someone else in her house expecting company at half past eleven. If someone was here with nefarious intentions, she was sure they wouldn't have bothered with knocking, but to be safe she peeked behind the curtains. Jane's car was in the driveway.

Without another moment's hesitation, Maura opened the door. There was Jane, looking exhausted and nervous, opening her mouth but seemingly unable to speak. She was taking in the sight of Maura in a gold-colored silk robe; Maura self-consciously clutched the collar and ran her other hand through her hair, wondering just how messy she had allowed it to get by this hour.

And then Maura remembered, and she was ashamed it'd taken her so many long seconds to figure out why Jane had likely come. Earlier that week, a copycat murder had popped up so similar to Hoyt that Jane theorized it was the work of an old apprentice. Every time that ghoul came back into their lives, Jane lost sleep and gained anxieties. Maura could only imagine how nerve-wracking it had to be trying to deal with that, trying to spend a night alone with that kind of fear.

"Hey," Jane finally said, her voice breaking. Had she been crying? "I'm sorry it's so late, I wouldn't have even knocked but I saw the TV light through the curtains and figured that meant you were still awake, maybe, and uh... I guess I could've texted, but this was kind of a spontaneous idea and I'm ... sorry, now that I'm here, I'm realizing it was kinda dumb so, uh, I'm gonna go. Sorry for disturbing your night."

She made to turn around and leave, but Maura reached out and took hold of her hand. "Wait, wait, no."

Maura pulled Jane inside and shut the door. Jane appeared dazed, as if unsure of how or why she was no longer on the front porch. But now she looked like she was on the verge of saying something, articulating some vague thought because she wasn't comfortable with silences and Maura wasn't saying anything.

Instead of speaking, Maura slipped her arms under Jane's for an embrace. Neither of them were really hugging people except when it came to each other, so even then, they needed to warm their way into it. Jane had stiffened up at the start of the hug, and normally that meant Maura would ease back, but tonight Maura started to tighten her hold instead. She didn't want to embarrass Jane, but she wanted to make sure didn't feel alone. After what might've been half a minute, Jane started to respond. She strengthened her grip, digging her fingers in and shifting into whatever position she thought she could comfortably hold the longest. Jane didn't realize how hard or long she'd been holding on until she felt Maura trying to take a deep breath and clearly struggling to do so.

"Oh, sorry," Jane said, pulling away.

Maura kept her hands on Jane's arms as she tried to withdraw. "You are remarkably strong," Maura observed, letting her hands shift up to Jane's biceps and her shoulders. Jane seemed to freeze again as Maura took her face in her hands, stroking her cheeks. "That's why I know you can beat this."

Jane looked both confused and crestfallen. "Beat...beat it?"

"Yes. Isn't that why you're here? Hoyt being back in the news—I'm sure that can't be easy. I'm glad you came to me, I really am. Have you been having those bad dreams again?"

Jane's expression was harder to read now, but Maura thought she detected a sense of relief. After a long pause, she said, "Yes. I'm here because of a... dream."

She closed her eyes as Maura clicked her tongue, and brushed the backs of her fingers against Jane's cheek. "I'm so sorry. You know, I can't conclusively say that everything will be fine, that this case will get wrapped up quickly and easily, but what I _can _do is promise that you're not alone. You're never alone. Not so long as I have breath in my body."

It seemed like a very extreme vow to make, but Maura looked quite serious, and Jane was moved. With a faint smile, she patted Maura's wrist, and Maura dropped her hand from Jane's cheek. "Thank you," Jane murmured. "The feeling's very mutual, I hope you know."

Maura smiled back at her. "I know it. Do you want to talk about it? The dreams?" When Jane didn't respond for a few moments, Maura said, "You're right, maybe it'd be best not to hash it out tonight, when I'm sure you'd just like to get some sleep. Or would it help you to talk, or do something else? We could watch TV, or play chess, or anything you want."

"No, uh..." This was maybe the softest Maura had ever heard Jane's voice. "I think trying to lie down would be good."

"Would it make you feel better, or safer, if you slept with me?"

Jane shivered with a weak laugh. "Oh, you don't have to, uh..."

"Jane, it's not like we haven't done it before. It'll just be on purpose this time," Maura said, smiling and getting Jane to laugh again. "I wouldn't offer it if I didn't mean it, you know that. And you don't have to feel embarrassed or childish or silly or any of that, please. All you have to do is be honest about what you'd like instead of deflecting."

Again it took Jane a moment to answer, and even longer to meet Maura's eyes. "Okay," she said, her voice husky with tiredness. "Yeah. That'd be nice."

Both resisted the urge to take the other's hand as Maura led the way to the bedroom. She had a tank top and shorts in her bottom drawer, designated for exercise clothes and yoga wear, that Jane promptly took into the bathroom to put on. When she came back out, Maura was reclining on the bed by the nightstand, a book in hand. Jane slouched in the doorway, watching Maura and fighting a smile. It warmed her heart seeing her there, waiting for her, at the end of a long day… oh, it was too easy to romanticize. When Maura looked up at her, Jane cleared her throat and tried to make her expression neutral.

"Bathroom's all yours."

"Oh, I finished my bedtime routine before you got here. If I save it until right before I go to bed, I get too tired. Also, brushing my teeth earlier keeps me from eating late at night."

Jane laughed, walking over to her side of the bed. "Fair. But do you usually sleep in a robe? Isn't that uncomfortable, with the knot in the sash and everything?"

"I've told you before that I sleep in the nude," Maura said. Her tone was very matter-of-fact, but the words themselves still made Jane pause at the bedside. It had occurred to Jane during their hug earlier that it felt like Maura didn't have anything on under that robe, but she hadn't wanted to comment on it. Maura continued: "I thought you'd be more comfortable, though, if I kept this on. Is that not enough? I have some pajamas I could wear." She sounded genuinely concerned.

It probably would've been wise to take her up on that, but Jane was wary of saying anything that might make her sound too interested. "No, no, if you're fine, it's fine." She slipped under the covers and was eager to change the subject. "So! Whatcha readin'?"

"A biography on Eisenhower."

For some reason, Jane's response was, "Wow, super hot."

"I'm sorry, am I supposed to be reading erotica before bed?" Maura laughed.

"No," Jane scoffed. "But reading a biography of an old dead guy _does_ sound like the perfect way to get yourself to nod off."

Maura whacked her on the arm with the book (causing some pain, as it was a dense hard cover). "Hey, history is important! And this is a good way to learn about our country. I've been reading a book on each president, chronologically. It's been fascinating but also deeply upsetting much of the time."

"Sounds like ideal bedtime reading material," Jane yawned.

"Well, I've just gotten to his years at West Point, so it's at least relatively innocuous for the moment. He was actually quite handsome as a cadet, see?"

Looking at pictures of Dwight Eisenhower was maybe as far as Jane could've gotten from the reason why she came over, but she took the excuse to scootch closer. "Huh, yeah. Total hottie. Five stars."

That got a much louder laugh out of Maura than Jane had expected. "Five stars! Because he was a five star general. What a great pun."

"Y…es. That was for sure on purpose. I'm funny."

"Speaking of which, you're making my arm feel funny," Maura said. Jane had rested all of her weight on it when she'd moved over to see the book, and Maura squirmed to shift it out. Jane sat up a little upon realizing what she'd done, and that gave Maura the space to put her arm around Jane's shoulder's instead. "It's okay," Maura said. "Lie down."

A little dumbstruck, Jane was quick to do so. After a few moments, she took her chances and nestled in to Maura's side. Once she'd done this, Maura rested her cheek on Jane's forehead and started to stroke her arm.

"I'm almost done with this page," she whispered.

"Take your time." Jane shifted her arm over Maura's stomach, and shortly afterwards, Maura chuckled. "Hm? Got a funny anecdote in that book there?"

"No, I was just thinking we remind me of my parents right now. When I was little, sometimes I'd wake up at night and go to their room to ask permission for a glass of milk or something and they'd be lying like this. My dad would be reading the newspaper and my mother was resting along his side, usually with her arm around him." She kissed Jane's forehead, and Jane closed her eyes, taking a deep sigh of contentment. "You just kind of locked that image into place. The only thing that'd make it really complete is if I was wearing glasses like my father's."

"Mm. You'd look sexy in glasses."

Jane's insides shriveled with embarrassment as soon as she said it. Somehow, she never felt like she'd been able to toss off remarks like that the way (straight) women did to their friends as a heightened compliment. Or maybe it was the fact that she'd said it while literally cuddling her friend in bed. For her part, Maura just laughed, shutting the book and putting it back on the nightstand.

"Well, thank you! That's not one I hear often."

_You'd look sexy in anything _was the follow-up Jane was able to refrain from saying aloud.

Maura reached over to shut off the lamp, but paused. "Would you rather I keep the light on? I find that sometimes helps me after I've woken up from a bad dream."

"No, it's okay," Jane whispered. "I don't feel like I'm in a bad dream anymore."

Maura gave Jane a squeeze and shut off the light. Now that she didn't have to hold up a book, she wasn't sure what to do with her other arm. Still propped up a bit on her pillows, Maura turned on her side towards Jane, draping her arm over her friend. This also put her in the perfect position to kiss the top of Jane's head, which she did, but so faintly that Jane almost missed it.

"You know, if someone broke into my room, I don't really have a weapon handy," Maura mused, thinking of other ways she could protect Jane. "I guess I could throw a lamp—"

"Or that Eisenhower book could do damage."

"—or that. I mean, I do still have a saber over the fireplace. Maybe I should move it in here. My point is, I hope you feel safe with me. You've always been that person for me. This is kind of sad to say, but I think you're the first friend I've ever had who I felt like I could be myself around. I even had my guard up around my family. But I've never regretted being vulnerable around you, even with my emotions. You're tough on people you love, sometimes, but I've never doubted that care about me."

Jane gripped Maura tighter, as if that would help stifle the tears she was suddenly feeling coming on.

Maura started teasing her fingers through Jane's hair, as gently as could be. "I feel very privileged to have seen you at work. I don't mean the gumshoeing, although that is impressive. I love… well, I suppose it would be gauche to say I love seeing you with the people who you're helping, because they're in so much pain. What I mean is, I think it's amazing how much care you have for them. I've only gotten to see those interactions a few times, but I'm so blown away every time I do. You have this amazing intuition about what people are feeling, but you're also very sincere in a way that not everyone in law enforcement is. You care so much. That takes a lot of strength. I can't tell you how much I admire that."

"I dunno, it kinda sounds like you just did," Jane said, and she could feel as much as hear Maura chuckle at that. "I'm really honored that you'd say that about me. I mean, if strength is about kindness and sincerity, then you are the strongest person I know."

"Oh, I'm nice. But I could also kick your ass in a sword fight, let's not forget. So I'm strong that way, too."

"Sure," Jane laughed. "You sure are." Another deep sigh escaped her, and it made Maura glad to be able to tell that it was a happy, relaxed sound; not the aggravated, tired kind of sigh she so often heard from Jane at work. Jane nestled even closer, and Maura wondered if Jane would be able to hear her quickening heartbeat. "I want to say something to you, too."

"You don't have to," Maura said, and she meant it. "I'm not the one who needs to be comforted right now."

"You deserve to hear nice things all the time, Maura. Nice things and facts, and the fact is, I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you."

This was such a jarring comment, Maura briefly stopped stroking Jane's hair. "What do you mean?"

Jane took a deep breath to steady herself. "I mean the last time we saw Hoyt. I dunno, I guess it maybe would've been the same if it'd been one of my parents or my brothers with me. I dunno about an old boyfriend, though—I mean, because he probably would've tried to do something macho and stupid to take Hoyt out."

"You mean like you did?"

"Hey, it's not stupid when it works," Jane retorted, sounding amused.

Maura granted her a short laugh and resumed stroking her hair. Part of her wished they could be having this conversation face-to-face, but maybe it was easier for Jane to be this open when she didn't have to look at her. Jane's head was still tucked under Maura's chin, her breath breaking across Maura's collarbones.

"Anyway, my point is, if I'd been there alone, I… I dunno. I felt so stupid, and I was scared out of my mind. I really think I might've given up. But you were there. You were there, and you were in danger, and I couldn't let you pay for my mistakes. I couldn't let him hurt you. I mean, not more than he already did, and I'm so sorry you suffered at all."

To illustrate what she meant, she would've tapped the twin scars on Maura's neck. But that would've required repositioning, and without giving it much thought, she kissed the spot instead. She hadn't come to Maura's, hadn't come to bed, hadn't snuggled up next to her with any direct plan of action—but when she heard a whimper of a moan from Maura, a pathway lit up. She kissed Maura's neck again, harder this time, and Maura arched off the bed, clutching Jane's head in response. She tugged upwards, and Jane left a trail of kisses up her neck, over her jaw, to her lips. Maura took Jane's face in her hands, fast turning a soft kiss into a stronger one. Now, Jane definitely had the energy to reposition herself: she rolled on top of Maura, shifting one leg between hers. Maura gasped into the kiss and her hands roved down Jane's back until she was clutching two fistfuls of the thin tank top.

But all of a sudden, Jane was breaking it off. "Shit. Damn it." She got off of Maura and sat up, putting her face in her hands.

Flustered and somewhat bewildered, Maura caught her breath and sat up as well. "Jane? What is it?"

Jane shook her head and here came the unhappy brand of that deep sigh. "Maura, I—I suck."

How was she supposed to take this? "Well, if all goes well, maybe you _will _later."

"Geez, no, that's not what I mean," Jane said with a bitter laugh. She shook her head again, as if to clear it of the mental image Maura had just planted there. "Look, I—I didn't come here because of a bad dream." She forced herself to look over at Maura, whose expression was now both confused and concerned. "But it's true that I am here because of all the Hoyt stuff that's been coming up. I've had my share of near-death experiences, but that was the worst one. The only time Frankie and I talked about it, he said how it was weird because Hoyt's M.O. was going after couples, and you and I…" She laughed sourly. "We weren't a couple. And I've just never been able to shake that. I thought about how jealous I'd get when you'd go on dates. I tried to tell myself it was something else, like I was jealous that we both work these crazy jobs but you still found time to have a good dating life, but I know that wasn't it. It's because you're the person I want to be with, in every way. I just couldn't handle it anymore, the idea of anything serious happening to me when I hadn't at least told you how I felt."

"But you did say you came here tonight because of a dream."

"I did. The dream of being with you." Jane had to laugh at herself, but it turned rueful. "And I'm a huge creep, because I misled you and that's why I'm in bed with you."

"Jane, stop. Just stop. Did you coerce me into inviting you to bed?"

"Well, no, but—"

"Would you have done anything untoward if I wasn't into it?"

"God, no! But I mean like, cuddling up to you and stuff. Would you have been okay with me doing that if you'd known how I was feeling?"

"If I wasn't, we wouldn't have been making out just now! And besides, I initiated the cuddling, remember? You came over to look at my book, and I put my arm around you. So I guess Eisenhower is even sexier than we thought."

"Oh, geez," Jane snorted.

"All I mean is, the book was a catalyst," Maura explained. "I meant what I said about feeling safe with you, Jane. I know you don't ever come to me with bad intentions. But why didn't you just say why you'd come in the first place?"

Jane shrugged. "I lost my nerve. And you gave me this solid excuse to latch on to, so I took it. I'd gotten myself all psyched up to come over here, and knock on the door, and then you answered it looking perfect and beautiful like you always do and I just panicked, like, _what if she doesn't feel the same way? What if I ruin everything? What if…_"

As she struggled to vocalize more of the many fears that'd run through her head, Maura reached out for one wildly gesticulating hand. "I can't tell you what might've happened if that was the case. All I can tell you is that you are my best friend and I am deeply attracted to you in every way a person could be attracted to someone."

"What, uh, what are all those ways?"

"Emotionally. Physically. Sexually. Intellectually."

"Huh, that kinda rhymes. I like it."

Maura smiled and placed her hand on Jane's cheek, loving when she could make those dimples appear. "So I was correct in thinking you were anxious when you came over here."

"Yes."

"Then I did what I would've done regardless of the source of your anxiety. I've known a lot of creeps in my day," Maura said, rolling her eyes. "You are not one of them."

"That's good to know. And on that note, for the record, your robe is kind of opening a bit."

"Oh!" Maura hurriedly clutched it again, but then thought to ask, "Is that a problem, or can I…?"

Jane's grin widened as she lay back down on her side, and Maura did the same. "It is super tempting to just tear that thing open."

"But you want to talk first?" Maura guessed. "About us?"

Jane curled her hand around Maura's neck and pulled her in for a short kiss. "No. I don't. Now that I know we're on the same page, I don't feel so afraid anymore. I know we fit. I know we make sense. But," she chuckled when Maura moved in to kiss her neck. "I think my body needs a minute to catch up with my brain. Which is weird, because usually I feel like it's the opposite? I don't know. My point is, I kind of want to make sure I wake up tomorrow not feeling…"

Again, Maura prompted her: "Anxious?"

"Right, yeah. Not about being with you," she hastened to add. "Just to make sure I'm not starting in over my head. Sometimes I wake up in the morning not feeling as brave as I did at night, and I think I'd prefer to wait to do ... _that _... until I know the body and the brain are totally synced up. I know I'm going to love waking up with you. But going all the way the same night I told you how much I liked you would just, I think, feel too fast in the morning. Is that dumb? Would it be okay if tonight we just…" She trailed off, feeling embarrassed and unsure of what exactly to say.

Maura stepped in. She reached under the covers for Jane's hand. "Let me make this clear: there is _no _such thing as 'just' with you. There are only additions. It's not 'just' having you over. It's not 'just' getting to share a bed with you. It's not 'just' kissing you. I'm so thrilled to start whatever this is with you, Jane. I don't need everything to happen in one night."

"You're amazing," Jane whispered.

This time, Maura was the one to shift back when Jane was about to kiss her. "I just need to know one thing, though. Are you the big spoon, or the little spoon?"

Jane adopted a gruff tone: "Neither. I'm the knife."

"Oh, that sounds very lonely," Maura said, frowning.

"No, it's a joke. Like I'm a badass. Although I guess now that you mention it, that's what sleeping alone is like," Jane said. "I've only ever slept with guys before, and that always kinda automatically made me the little spoon. I think I'd like that with you, too, but could I try being the big one tonight? Um, later, I mean?"

A coquettish smile flitted across Maura's face. "Later? Does that mean you're not ready to go to sleep now?"

"Hell no," Jane laughed. "I am not done kissing you yet."

They met in a kiss, and the hair on the back of Jane's neck stood on end when she felt Maura's tongue just barely teasing her lips. She did her best to maintain the kiss while kicking off the covers, feeling way too hot for them all of a sudden. Maura worked hard not to laugh as she watched Jane struggle to get her foot untangled from the sheet it had gotten wound up in, and when Jane got back in place, she narrowed her eyes.

"You makin' fun of me?" she asked, giving Maura's robe a sharp tug to pull her closer.

"Ooh! Careful, you're going to get this thing open again if you don't watch out. I mean, it'll likely open at some point in the middle of the night if I shift around in my sleep at all. Is that all right?"

Jane smiled again. She couldn't believe how light she felt. "Don't sweat it. Let's cross that bridge if we come to it."


End file.
